Losing a Father, Best Friend, and Hero: This Day Sucked
On June 10th, nine days after our son Liam was born, I got a call that my dad had been taken to the hospital. We were at home getting ready to have lunch. It’s a day I will never forget.
My mom called and told me he was mowing the lawn and had to be taken to the hospital for his heart. I dropped everything and told my wife I had to get to Saint Petersburg right away. I remember on the drive thinking this better not be it. He is going to be okay. He needed to be okay. I moved my family back to Florida so I could be closer to him and my mom for a few years after being away for the last 10.
But when I got to the hospital, it was not the news I wanted. My dad, my hero, and best friend, had passed away of a heart attack. As I write these words a year later, I have tears streaming down my face. It still does not feel real sometimes. I still reach for the phone thinking I could call him up and talk with him, share pictures of his grandkids, and talk about the newest cars that are coming out or how I should fix the next broken thing in our new home.
There are still things I can not do or things I still can not listen to without crying. I’m told by others that have lost a parent that there will always be things that will just remind you of them and you may just start crying out of the blue. This is true, I’ve cried at work, in the car, and pretty much everywhere. But, I know this is normal, and I wouldn’t change any of it.
Losing a Father or Loved One
Losing someone can be one of the most painful experiences one can go through. When someone passes away, it can leave a huge void in our lives, making us feel lost and alone. In this post, I want to explore the different emotions and stages of grief that you might experience after losing a loved one.
Shock and Denial – The first reaction to the news of a loved one’s death is usually shock and disbelief. It is hard to accept that someone who has been such a big part of our lives is no longer there. In this stage, we might find ourselves going through the motions of planning the funeral or taking care of practical matters without truly processing the reality of the situation.
Pain and Guilt – As the shock wears off, the pain sets in. It can feel like a physical ache in our hearts, and we might find ourselves crying or feeling overwhelmed with emotions. During this stage, it is common to feel guilty for things we did or didn’t do, or for things we said or didn’t say to them before they passed away.
Anger and Bargaining – After the pain and guilt come anger and bargaining. We might feel angry at our loved one for leaving us or angry at the situation that caused their death. We might also find ourselves bargaining, thinking about what we would give up or do differently to have our loved ones back.
Depression and Acceptance – Eventually, anger and bargaining give way to depression and acceptance. It is important to remember that grieving is a process, and it takes time to heal. During this stage, we might find ourselves feeling sad, withdrawn, or unmotivated. However, we may also begin to accept their death and start to find ways to honor their memory.
Moving Forward – While we can never fully replace them or the role they played in our lives, we can learn to move forward and continue living. It is important to remember that everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Some people find comfort in talking to friends and family, while others prefer to spend time alone. Some people find solace in activities like exercise or art, while others prefer to keep busy with work or hobbies.
Ultimately, the loss of a father or loved one is a deeply personal experience that can be difficult to put into words. However, by allowing ourselves to feel our emotions and work through the stages of grief, we can begin to heal and find ways to honor their memory.